“Trick or Treating for Wino’s…”

23 Oct

drunk pumpkin
I don’t know about you, but Halloween is my favorite holiday.  I love the cool weather, the crisp and dead leaves that have fallen to the ground and having to wear a light jacket.  Oh, okay.  I really like Halloween because I get to dress up and party with my husband and sister-in-laws.  I usually impersonate an annoying celebrity who has been in the news a lot.  The hottest costume this year is playing celebrity dress up.  Whether they are dead or alive, celebrities just beg to be impersonated.  Why else are they pulling all their dumb antics to get on the cover of a magazine?  This month’s blog is dedicated to celebrities, wine and making fun of it all! 
A chardonnay would great with that bathing suit!

A chardonnay would be great with that bathing suit!

Farah Fawcett… nothing say’s “Angel” like a bottle of “7 Heavenly Chards” from California!   If our blond Charlie’s Angel was still with us, she’d enjoy this with a nice grilled shrimp Caesar salad out on the beach in a bikini romping with the other girls!  Charlie in a voicebox is optional for the costume. 


Frank Sinatra… the infamous old blue eyes deserves a bottle of “Blue Eyed Boy” Shiraz from Australia.  Share this wine with your Rat Pack pals or you’ll get a swift “Kick in the head” the next day from a hangover! I definitely suggest wearing a classy Sinatra tux while drinking this.



Looks like that bottle is gonna help his career... go down the drain!

Looks like that bottle is gonna help his career... go down the drain!

Mickey Rourke… this celebrity costume is a little too easy to pull off.  Don’t wash your hair for several days and let it matte together, and pretend you have your illustrious acting career back when you really don’t.  Be sure to drink “Heavyweight Red” from California at your premier night for your sweaty, has-been, wrestler movie.  A Miami-vice type white suit is a bonus! 

Sarah Palin… well, maybe this was the most popular last year, but she is back in the limelight for now.  Since she likes to go hunting so much, and is so fond of those Alaskan moose, I think “Three Blind Moose Merlot” is right up her alley!  You could hide a bottle of this up in your poufy Palin hairdo at a party!


 octomomOctomom… what more can we say except, “Mommy’s time out” Garganega / Pinot Grigio from Italy.  What with all her 14 kids or whatever.  Sheesh!  Have a bottle of this strapped to your Snugli kid carrier along with your little ones and your costume is set!

 Al Gore… dress up in your finest designer duds, fly your private jumbo jet (with just yourself in it) from your private airport, near your 10,000 square foot house with non-halogen light bulbs, and consume 10 times the normal amount of energy in one month as the normal family uses in 1 year, while drinking your organic wine.  Any organic wine will do, as long as your seen in public drinking it; it looks good on your video.  Oh, snap!


Madonna… like a virgin, hey… NOT!  But she can drink “Virgin Vines Chardonnay” and hope for the best.  Just dress like a has-been, add lines around your eyes and have 0% body fat.  Your costume is now complete.  Oh wait, make sure you strap a couple kids and wads of cash to you too.

Oh how you tease us, Dita Von Teese!

Oh how you tease us, Dita Von Teese!


 Dita Von Teese… for those wishing to dress up as Marilyn Manson’s ex-wife, find the sexiest corset you can with garters and grab a bottle of “Drink ‘n Stick” red blend from Some Young Punks in Australia.  This fun wine will help you to figure out your Halloween costume before you buy it, by dressing the half naked girl on the label with sticker clothing.  You really have to see this label to believe it, and yes, the wine is great!




Is this the permanent look on her face?

Is this the permanent look on her face?

John and Kate Gosselin… these tools deserve each other.  To really take on the Kate persona, you need to have a sourpuss look on your face all night and berate your husband in front of everyone.  Make sure you make him feel like an abused wife, then you’ve really gotten into the Kate character.  To truly complete this transformation, drink “Bitch Grenache” from Australia.   The poor soul that gets to dress as John Gosselin, can wear one of the many tacky Ed Hardy t-shirts, and after taking a beating from “Kate”, can hit on the younger chicks at the party.  A bottle of “Ed Hardy” wine will complete the outfit.  After finishing the bottle yourself, you will surely act like an even bigger tool and go running back to Kate.

 Hailey Joel Osment… remember him from that ghost movie with Bruce Willis?  Or how about a young Forrest Gump?  “Mamma always said don’t drive drunk, especially when you’re underage…” For this costume you could carry around a fake ID, a bag of dried parsley (for your marijuana) and go around whispering “I see drunk people….”  (For those who don’t know, he got caught in 2006 drinking and driving, crashing his car into a mailbox and was in possession of pot.  He was 19.)  Too bad he hadn’t at least been drinking “6th Sense Syrah” from California.  He might have had a 6th sense that he would get in an accident and would have just stayed at the party and perhaps slept it off instead!


Looks like Dr. McSteamy likes it kinky!

Looks like Dr. McSteamy likes it kinky!

Eric Dane, Rebecca Gayheart and Kari Ann Peniche… Dr. McSteamy from Gray’s Anatomy and his wifey Rebecca (remember her as the Noxema girl with the huge doe-eyes?) and ex-Miss-USA-turned-hooker, Kari Ann Peniche, all got into a little Youtube trouble over a taped menage a trois.  What better wine to go with this costume, than a bottle of “Menage a Trois” from California!  For this costume, you need to act super high (as they said on the tape that they were really high at the time), keep making up funny porn movie names and keep repeating that you really need to erase this tape but then forget to.

 Happy Halloween everyone!








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